I stopped blogging for three days now. Asking myself what happened. Started writing with a vengeance, am I done with it? Lethargy, I was addicted to, taking over again?
A fortnight back, I forced myself out of my lethargic recliner and explored the net for something useful to do. My life had come to a standstill with the daily routine day by day bogging me down. The routine had to be changed. For a long time now, blogging was an idea in the shadows of my mind. I kept it for a day when brainwave struck and prompted me to write. Brainwaves have to be stirred and created these days. So I stirred myself one to go check the net. I found the 30 day blogging challenge. I believe in signs and this was definitely a sign. The forced brainwave gave me the kick needed, to start. Accepting the challenge was the tough call. No more free time to laze around and watch tv. I took it up, just to see where I head.
Creating a blog and writing the first post felt amazing and I was hooked. I wrote daily with an adamancy of posting a blog better than the previous one. I did that for sixteen days at a stretch! And words came easily, just flowed. It was a wonderful re-discovery of what I am capable of.
But then lethargy was jealous. It attacked. Mind went blank, words that flowed went dry. Even the ones that came out felt meaningless. I was scared. That day I gave it a break. Kids and husband are at home for a week, I will spend time with them, was a good pretext to take that break. All day, with my laptop away and just relaxed, but with a tinker in the mind whispering that I shouldn’t stop. I knew the pattern, postponement was setting in. That night I got panicky, no way going back to the lazy routine. Woke up early next day, but the writer’s block wouldn’t go. Asked myself why am I stubborn to write a blog, what has changed? Then I wrote it all, how blogging, in just a fortnight, brought discipline and direction to life. That day’s post was ready to publish.
Next day, guests. I was cleaning, cooking, getting the house in order. Whole day spent in the company of friends. Holidays are the only time we get to socialize, without giving a thought to tomorrow’s to-do list. It was a wonderful time with friends. But after wrap up, it was impossible to write with eyelids heavy with sleep. So gave it a slip again. Following day, feeling guilt all day that I let myself down couldn’t write a word. But forced myself again, completed the task before I went to bed. Again, the next day, I did not post a blog, just like that.
I had kept this blog as an end to the challenge. But writing it now, for a good reason. To accept that I love the positive changes in life and hang on to it. I look back, its just about eighteen days but feels like a long time. I don’t want to give up now and go back to slumping on that lazy couch. No more same old routine. No more falling lazy. After reading about writer’s block by other bloggers, I know it is common and it is ok. Doesn’t mean I have to stop. Not yet, hope never!